syafiqah syafruddin.

Of 2011.

2012-01-30T13:43:00.005+08:00

Graduation day is one of the best memories I ever had during 2011. So I decided to make the video of us before I start working and yeah video above is the result. Sorry if it didnt turn out that good. I'm still the beginner maa. It takes me the whole day to sync the lyrics and my windows movie maker keep on not responding. Sigh

At first I want to compile all of our pictures and make it as a video but due to some technical problems, I lost the video that I made earlier. Le sigh.

Credit to Wan venture creative for this random video. And also Amir and Ken Lim venture creative for the awesome pictures.

I miss my smelly cats, sisters from another mother, whatever we call it.

I miss the overnight movie session, random outing, karaoke, McD gopeng, ameeth.

I miss "hari ni nak keluar pakai baju tema apa?"

I miss "hari ni nak buka puasa dekat bilik siapa?"

I miss our homemade steamboat and "nak masak steamboat dekat bilik siapa? Bilik aku bersepah. lol"

I miss everything and it might take forever to describe. Thank you girlfriends for making my 2011 memorable. I love each of you *shed tears* :)

2011-12-30T02:09:00.002+08:00

So you found my blog after googling my name? What's the point? First, you google, then stalk and judge. It doesnt make sense right?

I am nobody and not worth knowing :)

Ya sudahlah.

2011-12-29T15:33:00.003+08:00

"Ketika mimpimu yang begitu indah tak pernah terwujud, ya sudahlah.
Saat kau berlari mengejar anganmu dan tak pernah sampai, ya sudahlah.
Saat kau berharap keramahan cinta tak pernah kau dapat, ya sudahlah."

Sabarlah wahai diri, yang baik itu pasti akan datang. Lambat atau cepat. InsyaAllah.

2011-12-10T19:36:00.002+08:00

It's almost 4 years now but you're still in my contact list. I thought i've moved on but apparently i'm not. I miss you. Why must you came into my dream yesterday? Why must you leave me again? Why?

2011-11-29T14:48:00.002+08:00

Sesungguhnya
Tidak ada yang lebih menyayat
Dari melihat bangsaku dijajah
Tidak ada yang lebih menyedihkan
Dari membiarkan bangsaku dihina

Aku lihat layu dalam Melayu
Aku pasti bukan aku seorang saja yang nampak
Ada juga bercadang bertanya tuan punya
Tapi bercampur risau dengan tak tergamak

Nanti dikata tak bersyukur, dikata tak sedar diri
Jadi aku menyendiri, memerhati dan akhirnya mengakui
Yang kita sendiri
Membiarkan bunga raya melayu ke kanan
Dan dibiar bunga tak cantik mekar di kiri

Aku lihat layu dalam Melayu
Tanah air kita yang punya
Kita siram, kita baja tapi angin api kita lupa
Mereka merancang masa menjilat bangsa
13 harimau bertukar menjadi mangsa
Kita lupa nenek moyang kaya-raya
Jangan sekali-kali digadai harta-bendanya

Ku lihat layu dalam Melayu
Ku lihat layu dalam Melayu
Ku lihat layu dalam Melayu

Takkan Melayu hilang di dunia
Ya... tapi apa guna tak hilang di dunia
Kalau kewujudan tidak dirasa
Petah berbahasa kudrat tak berjasa
Orang berbudi kita hanya tahu merasa

Selalu lari bila dirapat
Selalu malu bila soalan diaju
Selalu segan memberi pendapat
Rela mengikut dari meneraju

Belum nyanyi sudah bersorak
Suka berjanji dalam borak
Bukan kata tak ada otak
Cuma tak berfikir di luar kotak

Ku lihat layu dalam Melayu
Ku lihat layu dalam Melayu
Ku lihat layu dalam Melayu

Aku jadi sayu
Bunga menangis dia mendayu
Mahu jadi cantik tetapi ragu
Aku merayu
Bangunlah semula hidup kembali
Jangan tunggu matahari mati
Cepatlah mekar sebelum terlerai
Perjuangan kita belum selesai
Perjuangan kita belum selesai
Perjuangan kita belum selesai
Perjuangan kita belum selesai
Kerana hanya yang cekal dan tabah
Dapat membina mercu tanda bangsanya yang berjaya

- Malique

sisters from another mother.

2011-08-26T16:10:00.005+08:00

Last month has been the toughest month for me. I still remember that I once post in my tumblr hoping that July will bring something to my life. Yes it brought me something; tears, unexpected news. I'm not kind of person who's willing to share problem to others. So isolate myself from outside world. I cry alone when everyone asleep. I hate everyone, i wonder why people can laugh so hard while me myself can't even smile. It really hits me. I was at the lowest side of myself.

But after awhile, I started to realize that I can't drag people into my problem. I can't expect people to understand my situation. It's like a wake up call for me. I try to put aside my problem and just laugh, laugh, laugh and laugh. I am so thankful for having beautiful friends beside me. I never tell them about my mom's condition. But i know they knew. It just that i never have gut to tell them face to face. I hate crying in front of people.

As for now, I try not to think too much and I just want to have the best moment with my sisters before we leave UTP officially. Alhamdulillah, for the past few weeks, i really had the best moment. I know sometimes I became too emotional for nothing. And sometimes, I became too loud for nothing. But whatever it is, I want you girls to know that I love all of you to the bits.

About three weeks left before we choose our own path. After this, it would be really hard for eight of us to gather again. So please lets live our remaining weeks to the max. I promise that i will try to laugh as much as I can eventhough I know it's not the right time for me to do that. Orang cakap "kalau hari ni kita gembira, esok mesti bersedih." Screw that, i wanna have the best memory with all of you :')

p/s: Mom is still in recovering process. It takes time, but i know, she's strong. Mama akan sihat sepenuhnya. InsyaAllah.

presenting my everyday love

Day 6 - Your Views on Mainstream Music

2011-08-23T23:54:00.004+08:00

Ops I was unintentionally skipped the day 5. So lets just proceed on day 6.

Mainstream music - Music is limited to what people want to listen. You cant mix English and Malay in your song. I don't see any relevance in this issue. Kalau artis Kpop campur bahasa korea dan english tak ada pula kau nak bising. See, lot of discrimination in mainstream music. Me no like.

Mainstream music - Tak boleh extreme sangat, tak boleh kutuk politik, tak boleh kutuk current issue. Mostly lagu bertema cinta. Me no like.

Mainstream music - KRU influence. Me no like.

Day 4 - Bullet Your Whole Day.

2011-08-21T12:16:00.002+08:00

Human Resource Management and Engineers in Society for the whole day.

What a boring Sunday.

Day 3 - A book you love.

2011-08-20T01:02:00.002+08:00

Anything that related with Sherlock Holmes :)
Engineering books? Naah.

Day 2 - Something you feel strongly about.

2011-08-19T00:38:00.003+08:00

I believe fabregas will not fully perform in Barcelona. People can say whatever they want; he gained nothing in Arsenal. But people who's been following him since 8 years ago know what he has gained. From a non-finished school boy to a club captain to a national player. Who brought him to that level? Arsene Wenger. Plus, Barcelona already has lot of superstars. So will he perform? I strongly say no. No offense.

Day 1 - 5 ways to win your heart.

2011-08-18T23:03:00.001+08:00

I found this thing is quite interesting. Since I am effing bored now, class is officially over but still have lot of projects to submit, but i just too lazy to get them done which explains the main point of this entry. Lets see how far can I go with this 30 days challenge.

Day 1 : 5 ways to win my heart.

- man with a strong relationship with his family.
- i dig man with good general knowledge.
- he listens to the music that i listen to.
- he respects people. lelaki yang suka bising di public is a big no.
- good sense of humor, and one more, refer to the previous entry.

If you have all of this criteria, then you are my other half.

i just wanna be okay, be okay, today.

2011-08-17T02:47:00.002+08:00

Coldplay - Viva La Vida
Slank - Ku tak Bisa
The Killers - Human
The Offspring - You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
Ingrid Michaelson - Be OK
Apocalyptica ft Adam Gontier - I Don't Care
30 Seconds To Mars - Attack
One Republic - All We Are
Thriving Ivory - Angels On The Moon
White Stripes - Blue Orchid
Kings of Convenience - Boat Behind
The Cab - Bounce
Butterfingers - Girl Friday
Foo Fighters - Come Alive

what's cooler than bein' cool?

2011-08-09T03:19:00.004+08:00

An offshore engineer.

An awesome guitarist of awesome band.

An excellent in English.

A future engineer graduating from London.

An awesome guitarist who can sing.

A-dont-care-man-to-walk-around-with-animal-costume.

Two different men from the same occasion. I call it random awesome.

million happy faces project.

2011-08-04T02:59:00.004+08:00

"Even though _____________________ i'm still happy because ___________________"

The picture was taken during Urbanscapes for million happy faces project. Yes, i have a big nose that looks like jambu air. Wrong angle i guess.

On that day i wrote about how i'm still happy even though i've gained weight. But if i had a chance to change my picture's caption, it would be "Even though i haven't eaten my mom's cook for quite some time, i'm still happy because she's getting better."

of life #2.

2011-07-21T03:14:00.003+08:00

So yes, it is confirmed that there's a cancer in her brain, stage 4.

The difference is, doctor can't remove it because it's in the brain.

So what do you expect?

I guess things will never be the same after this.

Kau takkan faham sebab kau bukan berada di tempat aku; dan kau patut bersyukur sebab kau tak berada di tempat aku.

Jangan tanya apa-apa, aku tak perlukan semangat, sebab aku tahu aku memang takkan dapat balik semangat aku yang dulu.

Cukup, cukup sekadar menghormati situasi aku sekarang.

of life.

2011-07-19T12:49:00.003+08:00

5 years ago, doktor sahkan ada kanser on her left breast.
2 years ago, doktor sahkan ada kanser on her right breast.
Yesterday, i laughed so hard and when i checked my phone, i got a message saying that "doktor sahkan ada tumor dalam kepala dan rusuk dia."

Kenapa?

Things are really fucked up now.

Just don't bother about me, i'm good, i'm strong, i'm fine. Yes i'm FINE.

Tuhan nak uji aku supaya aku tau kewujudan Dia, iya aku faham.

Truth is, i'm not strong enough.

Of Bersih.

2011-07-10T14:57:00.002+08:00

Semua orang ada hak untuk menyokong apa yang mereka mahu. We see what we wanna see. Sebab itu Allah beri mata untuk melihat, beri akal untuk mentafsir apa yang dilihat. Namun kenapa kamu-kamu mahu mencaci apa yang dijuangkan oleh mereka? Dunia ini bukan milik kamu, juga bukan milik aku. Mungkin cara mereka salah, mungkin juga cara kamu yang salah.

Politics is bullshit, i'm not on anyone's side. I observe, remember?

Media massa menyogok rakyat dengan menyiarkan sisi gelap sebelah pihak sahaja. Kita ada youtube, kita ada twitter, kita ada facebook. Stesen tv hanya mahu menjaga nama baik semata. Buletin utama bercanggah dengan #bersihstories.

Pemberontak adalah melayu-melayu bodoh sedangkan orang cina hanya duduk di rumah mentertawakan kebodohan orang melayu. Habis, gambar di bawah ini bukan orang cina? Fakta; yang membodohkan orang melayu adalah orang melayu sendiri. Dalam dunia ni ada dua kelompok, intelligent people dan unintelligent people. So which group are you?

I got this from one of my friend in facebook

"hoi bersih!banjigan negara.wehhhh dulu korang beranak pown hospital kerajaan.mintak peruntukan pown kerajaan.biasiswa kerajaan.derma pown mintak kerajaan.kau suruh org berpikir?kpala otak korang letak kat lutut.korg patut berpikir!banggang..kalau aku ni amalkan ilmu hitam.satu2 sku santau.bye.kpd kerajaan:kalau dpt tgkp dorg ni buang negara terus!hantar kat indonesia."

Haish cetek sangat pemikiran kau. Kenapa tiba-tiba nak libatkan Indonesia? Dah kehabisan modal? Just keep it to yourself, kalau tak suka say it nicely. Again, back to the phrase "semua orang ada hak untuk menyokong apa yang mereka mahu" But please, janganlah menghina orang yang kau tak sokong. Benda ini lah yang akhirnya akan mencetuskan pergaduhan.

Despite all the chaos, I'm so proud to see all the Malaysian gather to stand for their right regardless wherever they are; Singapore, Korea, London, USA, etc. See, siapa cakap mereka racist? Racist issue is so yesterday.

Whatever it is, i'm neutral, I never like politics. I see, I observe, I think. Thanks.

of transformers.

2011-07-01T00:22:00.008+08:00

Yes yes yes i know transformers is the trending topic now. But i'm not sure either it is me or everyone else is feeling the same way as me; i think transformers 3 has lost their kicking point. Maybe because i was too exhausted after driving all the way from kl to utp, and then have to drive to ipoh just for the sake to be the first to watch, so i found the story line is freaking long and i rasa i tertidur sekejap. Haha. But seriously transformers 3 is boring, maybe i was expecting too much, whatever.

Oh yes, haven't I told you that i'm the biggest fan of transformers? This is the proof. I made it two years ago right after transformers 2 was released. And up until now still tak ada sequel. Lol

Oh yes, haven't I told you that I watched transformers 2 three times? First was with my brother, his girlfriend and UTP's senior. We did watch the movie a day earlier than others. It feels awesome ya know. Tapi tahun ni i tak sure either they provide early show or tak. And the next day, i watched it again with my gfs and was interviewed by Utusan Malaysia about my review of the movie. And my third time was with my cousins. I'm pretty sure this year i gonna watch transformers 3 again since hari tu tertidur halfway.

Oh yes, sebenarnya point post ni nak tunjuk these pictures :

This is sam's campus in transformers 2. Kalau korang still ingatlah, there was a scene where sam is accepted into a college. He studied in the same college as my brother. Beautiful building isn't it?

U.S Capitol; where they held the meeting in transformers 3.

Abraham Lincoln Statue; if you guys have watched transformers 3, scene megatron duduk atas kerusi tu paling tak boleh blah okay. Why is he hating lincoln in the first place?

live to eat and eat to live.

2011-06-22T23:48:00.010+08:00

I have a confession to make which is I AM OBSESSED WITH GOOD FOOD! I really have a good moment during my stay in America last month because my brother really feed me well. Walaupun tak boleh makan ayam and tak ada sos cili. Pfft.

Unfortunately, as an-always-hungry-girl-like-me-who-always-makan-lajulaju- i'm so sorry for not taking any pictures before eat (penting okay ambik gambar makanan then post dekat wall fb like duhh). So yeah some of the pictures uploaded were from my phone and the rest were from internet.

First : Red Lobster
Shrimp is my all time favorite and that was my first time eating fresh lobster.

Second : Korean Food
Korean appetizer. From left, up to bottom : miso soup, soy sauce with cili padi(?), mustard (the sauce tasted like kimchi), broccoli, bean sprouts, fish cake, kimchi which i'm looking forward to taste, potato salad, ikan masak something.

Main dishes : Seafood stew!

Third : Japanese Buffet

Japanese buffet is super heaven sebab first it's on my brother, okay before ni pun memang on him and second you can take ebi ten banyak-banyakkkkk! And they're not providing sushi only but they also got crab, udon and other japanese foods.

Oh ya, this is my first time eating an oyster, stress this part, a RAW oyster. Well it tastes like kerang tapi lagi lembik and berlendir.

Fourth - Johnny rockets
This place is unique because they can serve you a hamburger without meat. I mean you can replace the meat with soy boca. And it does taste like a real burger even lagi sedap dari burger king. Plus, the service crew will dance while you're eating. Too bad, I cant upload the video. UTP's internet sucks!

Fifth - Paris Baguette
Tak complete la kalau tak ada dessert. Strawberry cake I want!

Sixth - Cheesecake Factory
Snickers Bar Chunk and Cheesecake.

I want to eat all of them all over again. Dekat utp hari-hari makan nasi lemak. Sigh

2011-06-20T04:25:00.000+08:00

alam tiba-tiba sunyi, sesunyi lolongan si bisu yang melontar hasrat, sesepi riuh-riuh hingar bingar gaduh ditelinga-telinga si pekak

ah... rupanya alam sangat misterius
menyimpan rahasia mencampak kubur di dunia tepi
maka beruntunglah siapa-siapa yang terlihat sedikit keindahan

rupanya alam sangat misterius
kenapa perlu malu memperlihat kamu?
telanjangkan diri mu, biar terlihat segala keagungan mu
mekarlah biar terlihat rahasia-rahasia yang selama ini dibungkam kuncup
persetan sama dosa pahala jika keindahan hanya layak dipandang para pendosa
adilkah bagi seorang aku yang sedang merangkak mengeja kehidupan, menyusun abjad membentuk pengalaman?

telanjanglah menampakkan ketelanjangan
bukan masih tiada yang bakal memuja kesaktian mu
kerana masih ada aku..

-ayun

of euphonious.

2011-06-18T23:51:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was my last eupho in UTP. All in all that was the best eupho ever and sadly I didn't bring my camera along. I KNOW RIGHT! How on the earth i can left my camera at home. It's so not me and i cant explain why. Maybe i was trying to hold on something for too long, i should move on. Boo ika boo!

So back to eupho, my vote goes to the finalist who sang the song from my favorite bands which are the beatles, muse, queen, guns N' roses and also to the medley of P Ramlee's. Such a brilliant picked. Kalau boleh i want to vote all of them tapi vodoo child attracts me more.

Okay enough with the show. I want to talk about music that i listen to. I am kind of selfish you know. Because those bands that I love are most probably none of you would realize the existence of them. Sorry to say, I hate it when my favorite musicians go to mainstream because everyone will know them and everyone will start to awww handsomenya aww you dah dengar tak lagu dia? and such. And years later, the band will split up because too glamor lah katakan.

Lets take Stonebay for example. I knew them years ago. Masa gig stuff tengah famous. That time paku hiba was my favorite song because i really love the melody and the lyrics. And when they performed in UTP, everyone starts to like them. Yes yes yes they deserve to have lot of fans because they are amazing. Okay it's just me who's selfish that don't want to share with others. Call it self-conflict, no offense.

Since my age has now reached 20++, i already quit from all of those gig stuff. Plus, i dah tak ada pemangkin untuk pergi gig and i bet some of you know why. Age is just an excuse. Again, this post has no point. I KNOW RIGHT! Oh yeah, I really love thriving ivory and you guys should listen to them.

what's the tittle? you tell me.

2011-06-17T02:40:00.003+08:00

Eh hello! So my last post was like 5 months ago. What a long hiatus. Since this semester i have too much time to waste because there was like one class per day and i will be free after that which explains why i'm here updating this goddamn blog.

I miss the good old days where i can write all my thoughts in a proper words. I miss the good old days where i can snap a lot of random pictures. I miss the good old days where i can tweet 24/7. Sebab sekarang ramai sangat orang nak sentap well-melayu-you-know and i think twitter fight is stupid for my age, so yeah i quit. Plus, i'm not interested to read your conversation.

That's it. Dont ask me what is the point of this post. I'm just bored. Chow.

of 2010.

2011-01-04T15:08:00.004+08:00

Not much can I say about what has happened towards year 2010. But it was an amazing year. I feel grateful of what I had now. My closest friend knew what I have been through for the past years, year 2007 and 2008 to be exact. Tapi sekarang Tuhan dah permudahkan segala-galanya. Saya rasa macam telah dilahirkan semula. Alhamdulillah. Kalau kita rasa hidup ni susah, ingat, ada orang lain yang lagi susah dari kita. Tapi lepas kita dah senang, jangan sekali-kali mendabik dada. Tuhan maha adil, sekelip mata dia boleh rampas semuanya.

Wow what a super lengthy intro huh? So what’s up with my 2010. Well last year, I succeed to put myself into another level, totally out of my comfort zone. First I put myself as a working lady, a full time working lady. Yes I have done many jobs before but this one is for a long period, 8 months, 9-6pm everyday. With traffic jammed somemore. I’m actually a type of person who’ll easily get bored of many things. So 8 months of working is pretty much lifeless to me. When it comes to weekend. I will try to spend all my precious time at home with parents and brothers. Kalau ada event yang best, I will drag them along. I’m happy that way. Tapi this year, I cant barely remember this stuff happen on which month, that stuff happen on which weekend and such. Yelah, half of my 2010 is spent at the office and of course on the road, stuck in jammed. But what can I do, that’s the new phase that I must get used after I graduate.

Second, I succeed to gain my confident. I don’t know how to explain, but I can do things on my own now, meeting new people, getting comfortable with my own self. So yeah, I’m pretty much confident now. Jangan cari pasal dengan I, I will smack your ugly face, bitch! Haha

Oh yes, we cant fell happy all the time right? My aunt passed away on last April after suffering from breast cancer stage four. Banyak drama, banyak tangisan. Tapi things happened. Kita yang hidup, teruslah hidup. Semoga arwah mak long lebih aman di sana. Amin

Lastly, I met my new family in Jakarta. Believe me, I have lot of relatives all over Indonesia, jawa timur, jawa barat , whatever places, you name it. Tapi it’s kinda weird, I mean I’m a bit awkward to meet my uncle at this age, to meet my cousins. Yeah, we grew in a different world, different lifestyle. So our first met was a silence. How I wish I am still a kid that time so that the only thing that come across my mind is play play play! Tak ada rasa nak malu-malu and such. Hmphh! But I love it in Jakarta. All people treat us well. When you enter a boutique, coach for example, with your ugliest outfit, they don’t judge. The salesman/salesgirl will attend you well. But it will not happen in Malaysia.

So that’s how my 2010 goes. Tears, joys, dramas, that’s life. All in all, I am contented. I really hope 2011 will promise me the same thing too :)

kota jakarta.

2010-12-18T14:23:00.002+08:00

Di sini aku berjumpa saudara baru, untuk yang pertama kalinya.
Aneh yang dirasai tidak usah dibahas.

Setiap tanah yang dienjak, aku dalami kehidupannya.
Disuapkan oleh kejurangan penduduk kota, di sini sang gembel di sana sang pencong.
Tujuan yang sama, terus lemas dalam takdirnya.

Aku bisa duduk didorong berbatu-batu, menterjemah segala keajaiban Tuhan di sebalik ritma-ritma sang angin.

Aku bisa senyum meski kamu melihat tingginya darjat sang kami.
Jangan tertipu wahai saudara baru. Kita ciptaanNya yang sama.
Bedanya cuma cara.

Aku bisa senang apabila diri ini dibawa pergi dari kebiasa-biasannya, apabila diri ini diletakkan di lohong yang dalam hingga diangkat ke langit sembilan.

Jika bisa, aku mahu lebih lama.

tum-b-lr.

2010-10-26T01:54:00.002+08:00

Hi,

http://syafiqahsyafruddin.tumblr.com/

Bye.

go and get a fishing rod to catch the best fish.

2010-08-05T01:20:00.004+08:00

Too bad, i dont have any fishing rods with me. Maybe it was somewhere out there but yeah i just too lazy to explore.

Things are not going as planned. I'm so tired of planning. I guess i'll just go with the flow this time.

One day, it's not a surprise if i happen to go with a bamboo which is tied with a thread on it. Simple, not technical. Most importantly, it came first.

2010-07-23T23:34:00.004+08:00

after 8 months chilling at home, occupied my weekend with some events, bookless, dont expect me to get excited over utp. i hate going back to tronoh. no, study is fun, err i mean, compared to working life where you can skip morning class if you want to. but to stay in hostel? okay cut it off ika. you dont have to be such a little baby.

can i just complete my course at kl only? i know my baby fuad is having a hard time to let me go. haish why lah utp tak nak buat internship masa final year terus so that tak payah nak belajar dah after that, kan senang.

stress this part, i dont even remember any formulas since i left utp 8 months ago. V = IR, okay a little i guess. :|

after 32 weeks.

2010-07-08T20:53:00.005+08:00

i definitely will miss :
- my two supervisors
- the countless abang that i called everyday
- the guards
- abe keropok lekor, abe air kelapa
- keropok lekor depan 7e
- kakak suara annoying
- dustbin robin
- maggi sup pedas gila ali's corner
- big food ttdi
- giant shah alam
- various caller ringtones that i heard everyday
- docket, radio alarm
- and the list will keep go on which might take forever to describe

shit i feel like crying. i hate the beginning yet the goodbye is more hurtful. tomorrow will be the end of my internship. should feel happy right? :(

p/s : never expect that yesterday will be my last day driving to work since i just got myself into an accident this mornig.

single is not cool?

2010-06-05T00:30:00.005+08:00

you're totally wrong. i'm not choosy or yeah maybe it just me who always expecting much on my partner.

the last time i put myself in a relationship was back in 5 years before. what do you expect from a highschool-relationship? extra note, he was a jerk by the way. it's not gonna work out, never.

i met an older guy when i was fourteen and what do you expect? or what did he expect from a teenage girl like me? it's not gonna work out, never.

someone spent most of his life in a guy school and having a culture shock towards girl when he entered college. he wants to get serious with me but he just dont know the right way. he dont have to be rush actually. it's not gonna work, never.

i met a senior, he was million times better than me. perfect. i keep following his updates in silence. i didn't show up when he asked to. call it self-insecure. it just because he deserves someone better and yeah, he is engaged now. it's not gonna work out, never.

i might dont have a beutiful relationship, put yet in the words please. but it doesnt mean that i am a loser. if you want to get serious with me, you should never give up, yes, i always expecting more because i want someone who is better than me so that he can lead me. not just a guy who are so eager to meet me, sms 24/7 like hello! how old are you again? seventeen? eighteen? come on, we're an adult now.

i met someone recently, yes i'm talking about you, do let me know once you read this entry. i know i never give any responses towards you but hey i remember all of your details at least. i am heartless but then, i care about everyone around me. when i say everyone it is everyone.

simple, you dont have to show how serious you are in moving to the next level, in fact, i never see how serious you are. by saying good morning everyday is serious enough? by asking what am i doing every minutes is serious enough? worse, you dont even remember my birthday. it's okay, i just dont give a shit about it. it was remembered though. :)

FYI, you're the one that i informed about my mak long but you act like nothing has happened to me on the next day. concern? naah!

worst, you stopped halfway.

told you before, i am too young to play love. above are some of the jerks that i met and it might take forever to describe others. life is beautiful and never waste them for man. :)

blog ni dah semakin busuk.

2010-04-29T21:09:00.014+08:00

dah lima bulan aku jadi seorang intern. maka selama lima bulan jugalah aku dah mengabaikan blog ini. sebab everytime aku nak update, mesti aku akan end up terbongkang terkangkang dekat depan tv instead of duduk depan lap top untuk update blog. faham tak apa yang aku cuba nak sampaikan ni? maksudnya lepas dah balik kerja, makan, mandi and semangat nak update cerita dekat ofis, dekat jalan raya, dekat surau, dekat pondok pak guard, tiba-tiba syaitan bergayut-gayut dekat mata and last-last tertidur depan ruang tamu. lagi-lagi sekarang otak dah tak pandai nak susun ayat sebab hari-hari beku dalam air-cond. okay dah cukup kot explaination tu.

so kawan-kawan sekalian yang rindu saya sebab ada blog pun macam tak ada blog, ada facebook pun lagilah macam tak ada facebook, saya masih hidup. and and siapa cakap i dah tak ada life sejak bekerjaya ni? siapa cakap? kalau tak percaya, tengok semua gambar-gambar comel ni.

first haruslah gambar comel di office. inilah office saya kawan-kawan.

siapa tak tahu dua tanduk dekat belakang tu boleh mohon gugur kewarganegaraan sekarang. i'd prefer to spend my weekend with the family more.

this was captured during le tour de langkawi. straight from my house okay. seksi gila dowh semua riders. nampak tak betapa dekatnya i dengan dorang? rasa macam nak hulur air sirap je dekat semua riders. wtf aku baru perasan yang depan rumah aku ada kedai motor. -_-"

compared to gigs, concert, live performance, nothing can beat this animal show at zoo malacca. it was simply awesome compared to the show at zoo negara. combination of circus and magic i can say. jaw drops all the times.

view from menara taming sari. i never knew that malacca have changed this much. the last time i hit malacca was like 10 years ago. and now, i must come here often.

again, siapa yang tak tahu belon panas ni boleh menyorok bawah selimut sekarang. but still, i didnt manage to ride 'em. next year ok.

and and presenting makhluk-makhluk yang suka buat bising dekat v5g-l2. heh. memang silap besar ah berdiri sebelah zaza. kan dah nampak gedempol. i mestilah yang paling tak boleh blah konon-konon tak tahan panas dalam gambar ni. sunway lagoon finally after 10 years kot.

so itu sahaja quick update dari saya. not really a quick update sebab it took me an hour to create this entry. sighh.

p/s : i memang suka tukar-tukar kata ganti diri. kadang-kadang aku, kadang-kadang saya, kadang-kadang beta, kadang-kadang patik, kadang-kadang dah diam kau.

p/s/s : i memang suka campur bahasa melayu and english. okay chow!

2010-03-29T21:47:00.006+08:00

Jangan ditanya kenapa sepi. Terlalu banyak persekitaran yang mengecewakan. Cukup dua hari yang lalu membuktikan betapa tipikalnya melayu. Tak usah dipentaskan bumi Tuhan, tak perlu dimegahkan harta pinjaman.

Drama sana drama sini. Banyak mana pun kau terbongkok tersujud, banyak mana pun kau menadah tangan, kalau hati tak ikhlas tak guna. Tak payahlah jaja ke satu dunia yang sembahyang kau tu cukup sempurna. Aku memang khilaf tapi sebusuk mana pun diri ini, sehina mana pun diri ini, aku tahu akar umbi aku. Soal agama sangat sensitif, siapa aku untuk berkata? Tapi aku rasa, aku lihat dengan mata.

Biar tak ada harta, jangan tak ada bahasa. Kau rasa kau cukup besar sampai nak buang keluarga sendiri? Bodoh memang bodoh. Kasihan kau. Selama ni kau menganjing pun aku tetap hidup. Kalau hati dah busuk jangan kan lalat, babi pun tak nak kawan. Teruskan menganjing sebab kitorang ni manusia biasa. Mungkin anjing memang suka menganjing?

Zaman berubah, manusia berubah. Orang yang rapat dengan aku mesti nampak perubahan aku. Sekarang dah tua, umur pun dah 21. Nak clubbing pun tak ada orang halang. So pemikiran pun makin tua. heh

I tak ada masa lah nak “huhahuha” dengan you all. We’re now live in a different world. Kau boleh terus hanyut dengan duit haram kau, kau pulak boleh terus peluk cium dengan so-called isteri kau, dan kau boleh terus menganjing. Dan ibu bapa yang sangat bangga dengan warisnya, tunggu dan lihat apa akan jadi. Melayu tetap melayu. Sempit, dengki, benci.

Apa yang aku buat, apa yang aku pakai, apa yang aku makan, apa yang aku minum, biar keluarga aku yang tentu. Tak salah jadi orang miskin, apa sangatlah ada dengan duit kau tu? Aku tak kisah pergi bandar dengan orang yang paling kampung. Sebab orang kampung yang berlagak bandar lagi buruk kot. Tak apa, selagi makan dari hari ke hari cukup, syukurlah.

Satu je, anak ciptaan terindah untuk seprang ibu, ibu ciptaan terhebat untuk seorang anak. Jagalah mereka selagi berkudrat.

Sekarang ada dua kelompok yang aku lihat. Pertama, sangat kaya hasil entah dari mana, tapi miskin dalamannya. Emak sakit terlantar, dia bergelak ketawa. Kedua, bukan miskin tapi papa, rumah berdinding kain buruk, baju bertampal sana sini, namun kaya dalamannya. Susah mana pun, mereka tetap berinisiatif untuk jadi mulia. Yes, realiti. Dunia oh dunia.

Banyak lagi benda dalam fikiran tua ini. Belum lagi politik di tempat kerja. haish

my superwoman.

2010-02-20T14:33:00.006+08:00

never let your mom listen to the radio while she was cooking. if not, she will get influenced and end up by buying this.

no, it's not mine, it's my mom's. from just dance to bad romance, you name it, she knew it. psst psst dia siap buat lagu "love game" as her ringtone. aww comel kan?

oh yes she loves to create her own lyrics. like some line from "meet me halfway" by black eyed peas. the correct line is i cant go any further than this. her own version is i cant go any for the dentist. further than this = for the dentist. whattt? haha

of 2009.

2010-02-02T22:19:00.010+08:00

i know we already hit the second month of year 2010. but still i think 2009 is my year after 2003 and 2005. and yeah i want to make a recap of what i've done for last year. sounds a bit lame and i dont really care. haha lol

january
- got a license. read, my engine off two times during the test and surprisingly the examiner was so kind to make me pass. another benefit of being a girl.
- got my teeth removed.
- got a conflict with my old blog.

february
- family vacation. "i'm a bitch when it comes to the beach"
- genting trip for the first time. kasihan.
- known as the backliner.

march
- got my own car. though it's not a new one, boleh gerak pun dah kira syukur. :)

april
- another sleepless and hectic month.
- got my tyre burst.
- gigs.

may
- family off to the state without me. tsk!
- mira's back to malaysia.
- got the freedom as family is not around.

june
- abang is finally graduated.
- family gathered again. dad, mom, me, abang and adik.
- had a family potrait at our living room.
- house renovation complete.
- sleptover at apek's with others.
- involved in a review of transformers by Utusan Malaysia.
- unplanned outdoor activities.

july
- result sucks big time due to several reasons.
- moved to the new hostel.
- went back to indonesia after 8 years.
- registered campus a week late.

august
- worked with new people and it's fun.
- mom did her second operation.
- abang went back to the state again for his master.
- got my first accident which cost RM600.

september
- always had a great time with the girls.
- raya raya raya!
- new friend, new crush.

october
- martial art fest. boo!
- engineering design exhibition.
- went for bowling after ages. not that bad because i had one strike. heh
- joined BBQ with other coursemate. i'm not that close with my coursemate so yeah joining them is something yang last in the list.
- AAR concert.

november
- another sleepless and hectic month.
- random photoshoot.
- night out with the group.

december
- stopped being a student and known as an intern.

that's it. fuhh cant beleive that i can finish 'em.

happy yet gloomy friday.

2010-01-15T21:47:00.007+08:00

do you know how was it feels when

number one, the result you get is beyond your expectation?

number two, the person that've been missing for a month appear again?

number three, your new / gossip / funny friend is on his last day today?

number four, your friend is bitching around at your place?

number five, the guy-you-keep-talking-about has the same interest with you (camera!) ?

number six (refer to number five), he plays with your camera and talks with you like he knows you for some years and too bad, he actually is getting married?

number seven, you spend most of your working hour by eating sushi and lost on the track?

needless to say much, because i felt all of them today.

***

oh yes, i learnt with number three and number five about how to capture a good picture which will have some blur effect at the background. and they came out with this picture

i tried their tips while i was stuck in the jam and i came out with this picture.

it's good to have someone you can share interest with. :)

it's 2010 already?

2010-01-06T20:55:00.006+08:00

what's up with the long silence? blame on my work please. oh by the way hello readers! wait, do i have any? -.-

when talking about new year, it might be related with resolution and celebration. well i dont have any resolutions. because when i woke up in a new day, i will make sure that me myself must be better than the day before. so why must wait for the new year if you want to make a change?

oh yes, i watched p.s i love you last night. a friend of mine told me that he cried when watching this movie. i watched it once at the hostel through a lap top and i felt the movie is terribly bored. i watched it again alone at the living room last night. and i CRIED! not once, not twice but for the whole movie. i might be heartless or lame or whatsoever but hey it comes from the heart. if the dead man can make a surprise to his loved one by sending a letter, why cant i have any? if the heart-broken woman can still feel the presence of her loved one, why cant i have any?

okay, i'm not going to ruin my first post of 2010 with a typical-sad-entry-ala-ala-emo-nak-kena-sepak. so let's talking about my work. i am now doing my internship at maxis subang hi-tech. it is good so far. ups and downs, dealing with some brainless people are normal. i did many jobs before, so i dont have any problems in dealing with this kind of people. nobody's perfect. dont expect people to follow your flow. because when the karma hit your face, you are the one who will fall. so yeah, just cope with the new environment and be good to people. why did i stil sense some emo-ish in this topic?

i still have lot of things playing in my mind but then, i dont know how to puke them out. will keep this blog updated once i have time. :)

dah akhir baru nak mula.

2009-11-29T10:10:00.003+08:00

mata selalu memandang kosong
tapi bila tepat ke mata kau
darah terus menyentap ke jantung

rasa ingin beri saja hati ini
setelah lama beremosi
masih awal untuk bermimpi
jauh lagi perlu dicari
jarum merangkak jangan berlari

tuliskan aku dalam kisahmu
alirkan aku dalam darahmu
potretkan aku dalam hatimu

malam ini jangan pulang
sakit kan datang pabila siang
bila tiba masa
pasti akan ada

kerana aku masih muda untuk bermain cinta
aku hanyalah permerhati yang berhati-hati.

price for every single breath.

2009-11-13T23:27:00.007+08:00

in the age of 47, she is suffering from

breast cancer
heart cancer
a very low blood pressure
kidney failure
pneumonia

hoping for the end, yet it is all depends on Him.
when everyting is over, surely there is no reason for ours.
lets pray, for her to stay.
yes it is the reason, why i always keep silence.

i need my cancer stick with a pointless conservation.

2009-11-13T03:03:00.006+08:00

kadang-kadang bila kita banyak cakap, akan terlepas cakap, lepas tu mesti ada yang terasa.

kadang-kadang bila kita diam dan tak nak layan, mulalah nak cakap kau ni emo la.

padahal bukannya tahu apa-apa. takkan lah semua benda nak cerita. tak malu ke nak buka pekung di dada?

susah bila hidup untuk jaga hati orang dan lebih parah bila perangai semua orang pun macam celaka.

solusinya duduk diam-diam dengar lagu sambil hentak-hentak kepala. tapi mesti ada suara jahat akan cakap psychonya dia.

sampai mati pun orang tak akan berhenti berkata. nama pun manusia.

pornstar in action.

2009-08-12T02:05:00.009+08:00

first shot : malu-malu.

second shot : tengah cuba untuk fahami konsep.

third shot : dah dapat feel.

fourth shot : not bad.

last shot : ambik kau!

okay, apparently tengah stress out with all this propoASSal thing and came out with the idea of posting my broter's nude picture. haha

long and deep sigh.

2009-07-02T22:27:00.009+08:00

i always be the girl who prefers to live my present and hold the past. sorry. i always scared of revolution. who am i for the next 5 years? it's really bothering me.

i still remember when i was in my primary school. i hate it when it comes to the time where i have to leave the primary and living a new life in secondrary. all of my friends have been transfered to sbp while me myself left hanging in the daily school which is known with their bad reputation. lucky me huh! thanks to my grade in UPSR.

but hey, i manage to survive there for five years. five years people! the school is not that bad. i made lot of friends, and lot of enemies too. who cares. too many things happen during my upper form. netball, perbahasan, renjer puteri, volley ball, drama, sepak takraw, counter strike, ice blazer and things-that-might-take-forever-to-describe. shitt rindu weh!

everything is just nice till it comes to one point where everyone is leaving to pursue their study. for me, i have to start it all over again in a new place, new environment, new people. frankly speaking, it's the hardest time in my life. i hate campus life, i hate the people, i hate the room, i hate the weather, i hate the food. whatever it is i have to swallow it. thank God i manage to survive in utp for three years. i will enter my third year by next sem. yeah, ETP (engineering team project) is waiting for me. sigh!

the question is, after twenty years of breathing, am i taking a right path for my life right now?

when i think about it, can i survive for the next two years? can i cope with a new transformation? after graduating in 2011, insyaAllah, can i get a good company to work with? can i manage my time properly between my social life and the work? can i sacrifice my time to get out as early as 6 and come home as late as 9 just to get rid of jammed? can i find the right person to live with? can i make a happy family with my future husband?

it'll always start with CAN I?

a tale of bumble bee and optimus prime.

2009-06-26T23:04:00.014+08:00

characters : bumble bee (BB), optimus prime (OP), sapeah (S)

BB : hello! i am bumble bee.

BB : i love pussy. NO! i mean cat. what the hell are you thinking?

BB : this lucky bitch is my girlfriend, sapeah. much better than megan foxx. sorry sam!

BB : and this so-called life saver is my best friend, optimus prime.
OP : i know you envy my height bro!
BB : you wish bai!

BB : we have lot of similarities. we love music.
OP : put your hands up yaw! i'm going to shake this club.

BB : sometimes, we share food. mangosteen can produce a good energy huh.
OP : no, i think durian is the best.

BB : today is sapeah's birthday. i want to make a surprise for her.

BB : what the fck! prime is dating my girlfriend behind my back! you will pay for all of this, prime.
S : hey bee. what are you doing here with that flower?
BB : goodbye!
S : wait!

OP : here you are bee. i've been looking you. i just want to say sorry.

BB : as simple as that? you dont know what's the meaning of friendship bro.

BB : i'm going to kill you now!

OP : bawak mengucap bee. let me explain everything.

BB : talk to my ass

to be continue.

*all the pictures are captured by me. the models are mine. give some credit at least. stealing is not good. :)

let's see what i got from US.

2009-06-12T23:33:00.005+08:00

assalamualaikum. compare to all the stuffs, i love this shawl more. :)

cuti sekolah.

2009-06-11T22:07:00.008+08:00

hari tu kan, saya duduk dekat rumah mira sebab abang dia yang nombor dua tu nak kahwin. memanglah kena DUDUK sebab nak tolong packing jelly, takkan berdiri kot. ish! maka, saya haruslah jadi rajin dan datang rumah mira hari-hari supaya abang dia yang sulung itu pun akan terbuka hati untuk berkahwin selepas melihat saya bersungguh-sungguh tolong packing jelly. woot woot! hehe

pada hari yang sama, saya, apek dan mira pergi membeli nasi lemak kukus dengan berjalan kaki sambil membawa payung kerana hujan rintik-rintik. rambut kami diikat sangat rapi. cuba bayangkan rambut orang yang baru lepas jogging, begitu jugalah rambut kami. mira memakai shirt purdue bersama jeans, apek pula memakai seluar askar kesayangan dan shirt hitam. saya mestilah pakai shirt merah jambu sebab nak pikat abang mira dan seluar jeans. nasib baik i tak pakai seluar sukan abang mira yang zip seluar dia dah hilang sebelah tu.

kemudian saya pun mula bersuara

i : kalau orang yang nampak kita sekarang ni, mesti dorang ingat kita budak sekolah kan kan

apek dan mira : haa dah mula lah tu. tak payah nak perasan.

i : betullah. tsk!

setibanya di kedai nasi lemak kukus

mira : akak, bagi nasi lemak enam bungkus

(jap! enam bungkus bukan untuk kitorang semuanya. untuk dila, mak mira dengan ejad sekali)

akak yang jual : okay2.

i, mira dan apek : *gelak-gelak gedik-gedik macam biasa

akak yang jual : adik ni semua tengah cuti sekolah kan?

i : hahahaha!

see. my instinct always right.

jump baby jump.

2009-02-16T23:46:00.007+08:00

click for larger view. yes,we conquer the pool. :P